Spitting It Out

are you happy, i say
and the answer like cotton candy in the mouth
dissolves between us in a rain storm
yes he says
the invisibility of the image
like lemon drops on the tongue
i don't know what love feels like
a bruise from trying to hold the phrase
for too long in the palm of my hand

The Big Day

Head- Clear
Eyes-Doted
Smile -Bright
Voice-Commanding
Shirt- Pressed
Handshake-Firm
Briefcase-Organized
Pants-Peed

Jesus is Contraband

9:15 am, Friday Morning Meeting:



Assistant Warden:



"OK Can I have everyone's attention now? We have a lot to cover here today. Officer Sharbero over in south C reports offender Jasmer hurt is ankle last night unwitnessed on the stairs in that unit and refused medical attention. Was a first report of injury written? Make sure one is written by Officer Sarbero today, Lieutenant Esklia, alright? Good"

"A fight broke out over in west yesterday involving two inmates who where joined by a third over a newspaper. Is this correct Lieutenant Gulette? Just the sport section? Ok. I understand they were both hauled to seg by squad? Good."

"A shake down over in Triad came up with 2 tooth brush shivs and a vial of unknown oil. Religious ceremonial oil? I want a follow up on that, we need to know what is in that container, Lieutenant Sophomore."

"A small fire happened in the kitchen yesterday when a pile of greasy rags was left by the pilot light of the deep fryer. All rags will be disposed of and not washed, am I right Munkay. Right."

"Another paper mache Jesus was found in K3 by the IFI team? Bruce. Not another Jesus . A toilet paper Jesus. I believe you that it is really beautiful but please tell you students to show their enthusiasm in a more appropriate means. No you can keep your personal collection, but leave them at home. Sure sell them on E-Bay. On your own time."

"Amendment to policy 217, goes into effect starting Monday. Please read the full detail that are E-mailed to you."

"Have a good day people, and a safe weekend."





*IFI=interfaith intuitive

On My Way Out

fast-forward 6 months from then
She likes to think of him in those early morning hours before the light chases the dull grey out of everything in the house. When she's up and dressed and ready to leave for work while he's still folded up in the sheets. Twisted like he's been fighting off something much more serious than morning--than the alarm clock ring. Before starting off for work, she always stands in the doorway of the bedroom and fights against the demon of reaction these moments cause. To wake him. To whisper. To undress and slip back under his warm breath and body. He always moves to her side. His hands reaching in the direction she was an hour or so before. Leaving stings the skin. Every time. More than I ever wanted her to believe. This morning, she places her head into the back of his neck. Sucking in the smells of his skin and hair. Like a just unwrapped bar of soap. And leather. Kissing a fine line of the story about the way in which she loves him across his neck. He's clutching her arm. Inaudible noises through the cover of sleep and pillows. And she wonders if he misses her. The way the sheets never forget the smell of him when he's gone.

Even Though You Don't Live Here Anymore

i bought you a bottle of gin at the store. got home and placed it next to the coffee maker by the sink. and waited. i picked up the wrong kind. and had to try to remember the words: blue sapphire . it's sitting there. staring at me. and even though you don't even live here anymore. we get into a huge fight in my head about how i got the wrong kind. and i tell you to get fucked and never come back. then you slam all the kitchen doors and mutter mean things about me when i start crying on the couch. and i tell you to get the hell out. and we break it off again.

Her Career Heads South

"McMurdo Station", he repeated."Antarctica?"
"Yes", she replied.
He smiled.
Maybe he now will wait her return.

Devil Under My Bed

You ever have a wonderfully exciting idea's that you know is horribly wrong even before you have completed saying it? Ever wish could experience rapid onset lock jaw? Yes? Course you have. Bob is one of those misguided realizations. I know I should have shut my yap mid-sentience just once.

. A normal persons reaction might of went:

"Oh you have a wild creature terrorizing your domestic pets and scaring your goats? That sucks."
Instead out of my unthinking mouth gushed, "A bobmanx! I have all ways wanted one!"

At "You want it?", I could have done a u-turn and saved face. But no. Buy that time the dark force had my tongue.

So they live trapped him and I brought him home. The devil rode shot gun.

Bob spent his first night in my kitchen. When I opened his door the next day to slip in some food, in a flash he clawed his way over me. He rearranged my house like a Tasmanian.

Bob tore through my kitchen in the early morning hours, ripping curtains, removing art work , tipping furniture, and undoing taxes.

I confronted his backside once he wedged himself for some personal time behind a TV. I tossed a blanket over Bob and recaptured him with out waking the family. It was too early in the day to hear "I told you" so's. Besides I was running late for an important work meeting.

Wanting to hide my stupid evil unthought out actions, I hid his cage away safety from my family in my bedroom. Not wanting to be cruel I let him out to roam my bed/bath.

I do not see him often during the day light. I have caught him watching me from a vantage point as I brush my teeth in the mirror from the top of this towel cabinet. At first it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up like a...Manx.

He likes hanging with the dust devils under my bed. I hear him come out at night. During the day, I spend quite time alone with him and enjoy talking with him. This afternoon I read him the local paper.

"Bob. Did you know Micheal Bolton is coming to the Grand Casino Hinkley? Wanna go? Me either."

I just wish he'd finish off that box old chocolate covered cherrys under there.

*I had to drive to the food vender's event in Wis with my boss and bosses boss. That was a road trip, what with me getting blood all over the fancy sports car. "Hey, we need to stop at another bar to disinfect Munkay's scratches."

Absurd Love Word Finaly

Want to hear my absurd love words?
I got better things to do
lick your boots-drive your car
stalk you from afar.

That's ok, there really not about you.

Absurd Love Word 9

At night I dream of you alot.
Remember me?
Do I still give you the hebegebies?

Absurd Love Word 8

Can you see my heart beating
Every time we meet up in town?
Crowds really scare me.
Sorry.

Absurd Love Word 7

Sometimes I wake with stars in my eyes
Sometimes I wake with swirls
Sometimes I wake with dust in my eyes
Sometimes I wake with tears.
Yet always I lie there wondering
If you, did you, and why did you
Drop an anvil on my head
In the night?

Absurd love word 6

I told you I loved you
You said thank you
you are nothing

but polite

Absurd Love Word 5

I went out for a drink
and got sick in my chair
woke up with a headache
and a picture of you kissing her

Absurd Love Word 4

I hung by the phone all night
climbed into bed fully dressed
in case you still wanted to have dinner
even the next morning

Absurd Love Word 3

I think of you everyday
they say "get a live"
I answer
no

Absurd Love Word 2

Marry me I shouted
No thank you you sighed
So I wrote you a letter
knocked back a box of wine
planted myself under my mail box
waiting on your reply



(it's been two years)

Absurd Love Word 1

Some get
unrequited love
some get
stalking charges

How Sick am I

The freak in me:


Always slows down and looks at the wet bio hazard evidence locker in hopes of seeing something on her way into work every morning.

Has a never ending black head on her rib cage she talks too.

At least once a day starts a conversation with the phrase, "Wanna hear the most annoying sound ever?" And makes one only to amuse self.

Is angered by joggers, especially fat joggers that can run farther than I can. That's about everyone.

Always fixes the cat a snaky snack while watching Conan so she is not the only one who wakes up in the middle of night to eat. ("Huh? Kitty was hungry and woke me up mewing.")

Mentally cleans and rearranges other peoples kitchens. In the nude.

Brings in clumps of squirrel hair and hides in supervisors desk waiting for the day the guard dog does a sweep of our office. (Ha-ha! Lassie, Steve's hiding contraband- strip search him officer, he smells like rope!)

Once sneezed the biggest something out of nose and saved it to show family. Became very upset when cleaning lady threw thing out. Told CL when caught digging through trash I lost my contact.

Stoped testing the ketones in my urine samples (when diabetic) because the label said, "Do not use internally".

Has an impromptu speak written for when she wins "Iron Chef".

Challenges self to not shave to feel more exotically European. Grosses out small town mid west self and clogs drain. Tells husband it's his hair.

Saved every one of her kids baby teeth in an old prescription bottle. Later, swallowed teeth and still had a migraine

Inscribes every post with hidden love message for the Rock.

Spent the best part of an afternoon cleaning out a cabinet large enough to hold self. Contorted self into cupboard meant to hold a set of pots and pans. Instead of springing out to surprise husband, trapped self. ("Let me out. Please. I'll be good.")

Tells my teenager I wish he had never been born. I like eating for two.

Purposely mispronounces words such as jalapenos, Celtic, and fungi , just to see if any one is dorky enough to correct me. Then laughs at them if they do.

Has never told Hubby correct birthday. Chides him for getting it wrong.

Reads own blog. Is surprised when there is something new written.

Scratch and Dent Sale

Nothing fits, from dawn on through long afternoon into still and sleepy dusk. I am out to visitors inside my own skin, since today I am an unwelcome guest myself.
Your face don’t fit, honey. You ain’t comin’ in. Back behind the velvet rope with you.
Frame cracked, smeared glass, imperfectly aligned and picture crooked. Up a bit, up a bit, down a bit, down, down. Yes. Just there. That’s it. No. No, you’ve lost it. Try again.
We could improve you with a snip, you know. Another snip, a tuck and a slice. We could tear you into jagged strips, rip you senseless, then wipe clean crucial moments of your memory, incinerate your spare bits in the burn pile, bleed your veins dry of DNA, before trampling and scrunching your leftovers into a hidden landfill under cover of night. Job done - a dirty one, but some unlucky sucker’s got to do it. We would be through by morning, ready to stick a red warning flag in any orifice you like, warning of the added poison synthetics that may cause irritation and inflammation.
My hair is three sizes too loose. My scalp requires belting up. My cerebral cortex needs to be taken out back into a dark, wet alley and given a damn good kicking. My ears aren’t my own; never were, and never will be. Someone threw the mismatched pair at my head and they caught. My nose smells worse than it looks, my looks look worse through my eyes, and my eyes keep rolling sideways at inopportune moments, coming to rest with one gazing heavenwards and the other praying desperately for a final resting place. My fingers crack their knuckles menacingly, serving as a warning that my hands won’t ever stop itching for a chance to smack some sense into my sagging face. My skin sweats, and a single drop of the sugar-salt moisture coaxes my tongue forth to taste. I am the living and dying, inhaling and exhaling image of a perfect imperfect human-being; a being-human made flesh and bone.
From tip to toe and back again, nothing fits, nothing works.
This product contains moving parts. Maintenance should only be carried out by an authorised dealer. Warning: warranty void if removed.

My most sincere.

Thanks a million.
It’s such an insipid insincere expression, isn’t it?
Thanks a million. Like a virtual verbal air-kiss.
Mwuh! My fake spit is my gratitude.
I never say thanks a million, though I might say thanks a hundred. Or maybe thanks six.
Thanks ax2+by2+c.
Thanks a parabola.
Thanks a huge enormous biggest ever in the whole world hyperbola.
Thanks infinity.
Thanks a hankering.
Thanks a brain freeze.
Thanks an ounce. Thanks a bunch. Thanks a scab.
Thank heaven. Thanks ever so much.
Thank the academy.
Thanks a hail of bullets.
Thanks a reign of terror.
My favourite of all, and the one I use most often is this: Thanks.

I'm going to count to three

Sometimes I go into the bathroom
and stand in front of the mirror for a long time
with my eyes closed
usually, I'm still there when I open them.